Polyamory has become increasingly prevalent in various aspects of society, from fictional narratives like “Bojack Horseman” and “Riverdale” to reality TV shows such as “Couple to Throuple.” Recent legislative efforts have aimed to recognize polyamorous relationships, while numerous publications, including this one, have extensively covered the topic of non-monogamy over the years.

Several factors contribute to this trend, experts explain. Changing attitudes towards monogamy, partly influenced by the pandemic, and widespread access to diverse relationship models online are significant drivers. Additionally, the notion of finding a singular, lifelong love is not universally attainable.

Shanna Kattari, an associate professor at the University of Michigan's School of Social Work and Women’s and Gender Studies Department, observes, "People are realizing that the traditional narrative of falling in love with one person, marrying, having children, and settling down may not be feasible for everyone."

'You set yourself up for disappointment'

Polyamory, a term coined in the late 20th century with Greek and Latin roots, means "multiple loves."

"It typically refers to a form of consensual non-monogamy that emphasizes maintaining emotional and sexual connections with multiple partners," explained Sheila Addison, a family and marriage therapist, in a previous interview with USA TODAY. It's important not to conflate it with polygamy, commonly known as "multiple wives," which is often associated with religious or cultural traditions.

A 2016 study analyzing U.S. Census data from single adults found that 20% of participants had experienced consensual non-monogamous relationships at some point in their lives.

"When you place too much emphasis on a single relationship and set overly high expectations, you inevitably set yourself up for disappointment," noted Leanne Yau, an expert in polyamory.

'I don't want to choose'

Interest in polyamory typically fluctuates over time, often peaking during periods of political turmoil, such as war, climate change, economic instability, and notably, during a pandemic. These times prompt individuals to question established institutions, including traditional marriage and primary relationship structures.

"COVID forced us to reassess various aspects of our lives, particularly within relationships," noted psychotherapist Madison McCullough. Some individuals used this opportunity to address issues within their current relationships, while others explored virtual dating alternatives like FaceTime.

Justin Clardy, assistant professor of philosophy at Santa Clara University, highlighted the societal acceptance of non-monogamy in certain contexts, as depicted in TV shows like "The Bachelor." However, the notion of lifelong monogamous love faces scrutiny. "What if I've been dating multiple people, like most people do before settling down, and I don't want to choose between them?" questioned Shanna Kattari, associate professor at the University of Michigan.

Elisabeth Sheff, an expert in consensual non-monogamy, emphasized the impracticality of expecting perpetual perfection from a single partner for the entirety of one's life.

Is polyamory right for you?

If you're considering polyamory, here are some important points to keep in mind:

1. Avoid seeing it as a last resort: Opening up a relationship to solve existing issues rarely leads to positive outcomes. "That's not a viable solution for most people," cautions Shanna Kattari. It's more likely to create problems than solve them.

2. Educate yourself: Take the time to learn about polyamory through podcasts, books, and social media accounts run by polyamorous individuals. Make sure it's something you genuinely want before discussing it with your partner, especially if you're currently in a monogamous relationship. Remember that media portrayals of polyamory may not accurately reflect its complexities.

3. Address stigma and acceptance: Polyamory is often misunderstood, with misconceptions about individuals' ability to be satisfied or commit. Madison McCullough notes that some view it as a way to avoid commitment in monogamous relationships. While it's important to ignore such stigma, be prepared for others to struggle to understand your choice.

4. Prioritize effective communication: Communication is paramount in successful polyamorous relationships. "The most critical aspect of polyamory is consistent and open communication," emphasizes Kattari. If you're not ready to communicate openly with one partner, you're unlikely to succeed in managing the complexities of multiple relationships.

5. Consider therapy: Seeking therapy can provide a supportive environment to navigate the challenges of polyamory and address any underlying issues. Talking to a neutral third party can help facilitate productive discussions and understanding among partners.

Whether consensual non-monogamy will replace serial monogamy remains uncertain. However, there's a growing acknowledgment that traditional monogamy is evolving. The assumption of exclusivity after a certain period of dating is no longer automatic – it requires open conversation.

Experts anticipate a future where various types of relationships between consenting adults are recognized. However, it's essential to recognize that while monogamy may not suit everyone, the same holds true for non-monogamy.

Moreover, one doesn't need to have any personal interest in polyamory to educate oneself about it. As Kattari points out, "The more that even individuals in monogamous relationships are willing to learn about polyamory, the better it is for everyone." Understanding different relationship structures fosters empathy and respect within all types of relationships.