6 Tips To Manage Yourself Feelings And Feel Stronger!
Read this post from my step by step guide on how to get those feelings under control and feel a whole lot better about yourself. For the best guidance and support in the world of emotion.
I’m a therapist and emotion specialist and I’m passionate about helping people understand the world of emotion and understanding how an understanding of emotion and emotion management is the pathway to more confidence stronger you.
By the end of this post, you will have the tools that you need to understand how you feel, to understand how to control your feelings and to feel a whole lot stronger about yourself.
I’ve proven these results with hundreds of clients and now it’s your turn.
I’m going to simplify it and break down the brain into four parts that will help you in understanding, controlling your feelings.
The first is the thinking brain. Our thinking brain is verbal, rational, logical and goal oriented.
And then we have the emotional, the emotion brain is nonverbal, it’s irrational, it’s illogical and it’s based in past moments.
And then we have an experiencing brain which likes to capture all of the drama that takes place inside of our body. And then we have a memory brain.
The memory brain likes to keep track of all this information and store it for future retreval all for the purpose of taking care of us and keeping us safe.
So your brain’s constantly taking in all the information around you.
If the brain processed all the information coming into the brain, it would get very, very overwhelmed.
So what it does is it filters out the information.
Now the emotion brain is very important in that it is part of the filtering process very early on when information comes into the brain.
So as the information comes in, it’s filtered through the emotion brain at which time it does one of two things And I’ve had determines that the information coming in is neutral and doesn’t require any extra effort by the body and it floats along into the brain wherever it needs to go.
The other option is when the information coming in through the emotion brain is read as needing energy from the body to make something happen, then the emotion brain sends a message to for the body, for the brain to flood the body with hormones that gives the body energy.
It activates it to give it the energy to get things done. For example, when your alarm goes off in the morning and you know that you’ve got to get up and you’ve got to get to work on time, the emotion brain will read that information and know that hearing the alarm means you got to get going and get moving.
It floods the body with extra hormone to give it the energy to get you up and ready and out the door on time for work because you need to have the job to make sure that you have food and clothing and shelter to survive.
So if you remember how the information is coming through the emotion brain, you have a file that’s stored in the memory brain just waiting so that as information comes in, the emotion brain checks in with the memory brain and says, Hey, do we have anything on that information there? And the memory brain will say, Hey, yeah, I got something on this. It opens up the file and says, okay, flood the body. We need that.
We need that energy to make something happen.
That flooding of the hormones that goes throughout the body is actually what a feeling is. So you might recognize you know when you get emotional, you feel sick in your stomach where you can feel your shoulders tight, where you can figure yourself shaking or your head hurts.
These are actually the physiological manifestation or the feeling of the memory experience in your body. The experience of saying yes, the body needs to flood with, with hormones to create a response in the body.
So this is making sense to you, or if it’s not, comment below, let me know how I’m doing and helping you understand feeling better or what you would like clarification on. Number four, understand that you can’t actually control a feeling. Now, you might not be very happy with me for this one because I presented to help.
I was going to help you learn how to control your feelings, but part and understanding how to control your feelings is understanding.
You can’t actually control the feeling. The feeling is just the sensation, the physiological response that happens in your body and the time of activation.
In the time when the emotion brain says, Hey, wait a second.
We need to give the body energy to get something done. So in this moment, when the feelings are coming, it’s the body’s response to what needs to be happening.
So the issue is less about controlling the feeling and more so understanding where the feelings come from and then controlling how we respond to it because the feelings aren’t the issue. Our response to the feeling is the issue.
For example, when you’re driving in the car and somebody cuts you off, you may feel a whole lot adrenaline’s going through your body because that could be a life or death or very expensive situation if you can end up in an accident.
So your body’s flooded with adrenaline’s to make you more focused and attentive to whatever’s going on while you’re driving to keep you safe.
But of course in that moment and feeling that very uncomfortable feeling, you might be tempted to be quite um, expressive at the person in the other vehicle.
You may choose to use words that you normally wouldn’t use in other places and they’re coming out of you because you might think you are angry. Road rage, but, but underneath rage, actually, there’s probably more fear because it’s the fear that somebody put you in danger, either your pocket book, because not every accident’s going to kill you, but it can harm you. It can harm you physically, it can harm your pocketbook.
So underneath the rage in the road rage, often there’s a lot of fear there. But for our situation here, the important parts are you can’t control the fact that your body is flooding with adrenaline’s in that moment to keep you safe on the road from other drivers that are not being attentive to other drivers on the road.
But what you can control is how you respond to that. Number five awareness is
So now that you understand what feeling actually is.
The part where you can feel stronger starts with awareness. For example, if we take again the part with the road rage, when you feel that inside of you, you know that your body’s talking to you, it’s telling you a story about what’s going on for you. Underneath there you have an experience of the body saying we are requiring extra energy for whatever’s going on depending on the surroundings outside of you, where you have control is how you respond to that.
Often where that falls apart is in the moment when we feel activated, when we feel this surge of feeling inside of us, it’s very, very uncomfortable and it’s natural for the brain to want to get rid of that.
And, and especially if someone else’s in your space that may have triggered that, say somebody who’s being a bad driver, the mind starts to think, well, it’s his fault he caused this to happen inside of me.
Therefore he’s responsible for it. But in reality, he’s not responsible for how you’re feeling inside. Yes, he is responsible for the kindling, the spark, the lighter to get going inside of you. What’s going inside of you. but no one is responsible for what’s for your feeling inside except for you. And if you’re wondering what to do about that part about when you had the feeling surging inside of you, I have another post that is about managing your emotions and behavior and feeling better. And you can catch that post here.
Watch for it to be dropped a week from now. If you’re watching this week, that one little come next week. Okay. And click the bell to be notified when that one is released.
And if this is making sense, please comment below if you agree or disagree with me, I’d love to hear more.Because I love talking about this topic because I believe that these moments when our body becomes activated, the emotions that well up inside of us, which can be incredibly overwhelming at times, that this is the pathway and gift to get to know you.
We often jump to blame pointing, fingers, criticism, but that takes the ownership away from you when really no one else can take care of what’s inside of you. Only you can do that. but it does take support and help.
what we’re building a supportive community here.
So this whole thing about controlling your feelings and feeling stronger is the feeling inside of us can feel out of control, can feel very uncomfortable and we don’t like it. The brain does not like pain.
It wants to move you away from pain. So if you’re feeling pain, it wants to get rid of it. That’s why we like to try and control it.
But now with what I’ve shared with you, you can understand that you can’t control the feeling.
You can control your response.
And the first step to starting to control your response is awareness.
Awareness of the feeling that comes inside of you.
And it’s important to know that in this journey of coming to control your response has better, you’re going to mess up.
And that’s okay because messing up means that you’re actually aware that you’ve done something. And the more awareness you gain, the better you will get.
So it’s kinda like this little graph over time. If you respond, if you’re reactive to your feelings this much and you can control your response to feelings this much, the more you become aware of the times when you react, over time it will gradually shift, very gradual.
So it’s important to have realistic expectations.
But over time you will find that you will be able to control your response to the feelings more often than you will be reacting to the feelings.
And that’s what helps you to feel stronger.
Compassion is very important because this does not happen overnight.
And the reason it doesn’t happen overnight is because I really believe that this is the gift to get to know you and to connect to yourself.
And I really think I’ve experienced myself and with hundreds of people I’ve worked with that this is the path to feeling confident and strong and connected to you. And then things go from now.
So now you know exactly what you need to do to control your feelings and feel stronger. But what about managing your emotions? And we talked about that a bit.