Therapist Advice Is Not Good!Guidance Is What You Need!
I’m here to tell you why therapists do not give advice, or at least they shouldn’t.
And here’s the reason why.
When you walk into a therapist’s office, you most likely have tried everything.
Otherwise, why would you go talk to a complete stranger about the deepest, darkest secrets that you have about yourself?
So when you walk into a therapist’s office, it’s not a friendship. It’s not meant to be a friendship. It’s not a two way situation. You don’t walk in there and ask your therapist.
Oh, how are you doing with the expectation that you’re going to be going out to coffee soon?
I do have people that will come in and ask me about myself, or of course, I’m listening to them.
So they’re kind and want to ask about me, which is very nice.
But that’s not the purpose of counselling or therapy.
The purpose of therapy is for a professional to be there for you, to help you rekindle the strength that you have inside yourself, to find that spark of the strength that’s inside yourself and help you start on your healing or growth journey. Now, here’s an example of why advice giving wouldn’t work very well if you were getting a device from a therapist. So I had a friend who is an actor, and this post is being done during Koven time.
And so for my friend, there are a number of different events, gatherings that are being offered through Zoome. Now, this friend of mine doesn’t really go on social media either.
And so this was not seeming like a very interesting venture to be in front of a computer connecting with people, because this person always does also does really like interacting and connecting with other people.
So there was a situation with Zoom or he needed to go on and he was expressing how he does not feel comfortable or like it or there’s something, you know, there’s just something that doesn’t feel right.
And on a surface level, it could just be some of the stuff we come up with, like, oh, it’s technology or we’re not used to interacting with people through a screen.
But when he went deeper, he realized that the reason why he was uncomfortable with the being on Zoom was because he spent the last 20 years of his life training inside of him to not notice the camera, to not engage with the camera, to not break the fourth wall because he has spent years behind the camera.
So this realization, I thought, wait a second,this is a great correlation to advice giving in therapy, because I know him pretty well, pretty well.
And so me coming up with all the ideas of why maybe he’s not comfortable with the zoom or all the ones that are very superficial. I would never have been able able to come up with the idea for his dislike for Zoom because of his 20 years of being in front of a camera and learning how not to engage with the camera.
And the words he used were. It is just in my psyche.
It is just a part of me that I don’t engage with the camera.
So of course, I’m not going to like the zoom.
This is the same thing that happens when you come in a therapist’s office.
A therapist does not know the last 20 years plus of your life or less if you’re younger and there’s no way they can really get to know all of that in the short time that you spend in the office. So if a therapist is offering advice to you, it’s advice based on what they’ve heard from other people with limited amount of information or what they gather from the little bit of information you give them.
Which if you’re doing talk therapy, it’s coming from your mouth and from, you know, a superficial place unless you’re going really deep.
But even if you’re going deep, the idea of deep work is to reconnect you to yourself so that you can make the decisions and choices that you need to make to make you stronger, to make you feel good about you, to make you feel excited about making all the choices and decisions that you need to make in your life to help you grow further.
And so that is why it is really important. You have a therapist that doesn’t give advice that you’re going there to shift your world, to become comfortable and confident with who you are inside.